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From King to Jester in Sixty-Two Million Seconds By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV Two short years ago a tingle would instantly shoot up the leg of 80% of people fortunate enough to witness Barack Obama enter the room in which they were standing. Even those who didn't vote for the political juggernaut recognized he'd been blessed with an immense gift. Today the leg of only 20% of folks who come in contact with our esteemed Commander in Chief feel such tingle. 2008 was a huge year for sensations darting up lower appendages. 2010, however, saw the limbs of many suffer massive withdrawal. An additional Twenty percent of current citizens who encounter Mr. Obama think, "I understand our President has implemented some controversial new laws but I'm sketchy regarding the details. Doesn't the First Lady look radiant!?" The remaining 60% laugh. The laugh of some says, "Man did that guy fool me." The laugh of others says, "I warned as many people as I possibly could." The laugh of the rest says, "During the final two years of the Bush Presidency, I paid exactly the same number of bills as I did during the first two years of the Obama Presidency. No hope and no change." Full Story>>> You Call That a Tease!? By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV While searching for a laugh, I recently perused the onscreen guide displaying information about television programs airing now and in the future on my cable system. Because there is currently only one situation comedy worthy of my eyes, I was forced to look elsewhere. Of course I immediately turned to America's number one cable news network: MSNBC. "Only a handful of people watch MSNBC, how could they be number one?" you ask. They are at the top of their game at creating unintentional comedy. Though it's not their goal; every host, contributor and guest is laugh out loud funny. According to my onscreen guide, MSNBC personality Chris Matthews "moderates hard-hitting debates on key political issues." That same onscreen guide informed me that Fox News host Glenn Beck "provides an unconventional look at the news." I suppose my onscreen guide defines "debate" as, "with a beet red face and thinning hair askew, shouting down anyone with whom you disagree." Full Story>>> Touching My Junk is the New Touching My Freedom By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV Former NPR employee Juan Williams admits he instinctively becomes queasy at the sight of men in Muslim garb boarding the plane on which he sits awaiting takeoff. "Will their actions lead to the demise of everyone on board?" he asks himself. Not me. I long to fly on planes where every other passenger, as well as the pilot, is a Middle Eastern man dressed in Muslim garb. I don't think of how the overwhelming majority of terrorist attacks in recent years were perpetrated by men of similar appearance. I am so politically correct that I'm adroitly able to suppress chemical reactions that often occur within the body of less enlightened people, such as former NPR employee Juan Williams. The reason it's okay for TSA agents to strip search five-year-old boys is because five-year-old boys are equally likely to blow up commercial airliners as Middle Eastern men dressed in Muslim garb. After all, five-year-old boys clearly hate us for our freedom. While they're stuck inside cleaning their room, or finishing their veggies, we're out supersizing our value meal at the local burger joint. Full Story>>> America has Moved to the Right !? By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV I've heard more than one raging leftist claim they were fairly moderate until George W. Bush moved the country to the extreme right. The only thing middle-of-the-road George W. Bush did, by starting two unpopular wars, was make it socially acceptable to call our president names that would make a sailor blush. Despite a center-right population, the country is more liberal today than it was yesterday. Yesterday we were more liberal than the day before. Beg to differ? During World War II we threw Japanese-Americans into internment camps as if they were carpet-soiling animals. Today we fondle upstanding American citizens because we're too sensitive to ask TSA agents to peruse pictures of the men who committed 1,000 of the previous 1,001 terrorist attacks and then instruct, "When you see men of similar appearance, do whatever is necessary to make certain they're unable to harm anyone on the plane they wish to board. In fact, instead of randomly patting down passengers, we'll be randomly selecting TSA agents to accompany planes containing terrorist look-alikes government screeners were charged with searching." Full Story>>> Blame America By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV I recently learned the best fate that could possibly befall a Palestinian man caught blogging against Islam is a lifetime behind bars. In America, television shows are allowed to make millions by depicting Christian figures as buffoons. Liberals, who are adamant no religious symbols reside near governmental institutions, are notoriously pro-Palestinian. The same people, who wet themselves at the sight of a single commandment displayed on public property, openly root for execution-happy authoritarians who murder citizens for openly opposing the religion everyone is required to follow. In order to survive in these lands, many people pretend to worship a god in whom they don't believe. Standing up for a foreign government usually indicates a desire to be ruled by likeminded leaders. Liberals praise socialist icons like Hugo Chavez while desperately hoping a similar man or woman one day controls America with an iron fist. That means liberals would love to live in a land where they're forced to follow the uber-strict rules of a specific religion, right? Full Story>>> Professor Obama is Not Happy with Our Progress By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV On November 2, 2010 we conservatives proved once and for all that we're simply not picking up what President Obama is putting down. You see, Mr. Obama isn't of the opinion big government, massive entitlements and universal healthcare are right for America, rather it's an undeniable fact that all three are supremely moral, while every single conservative idea originated in the loins of Satan. One day all of us will have that, "I get it!" moment, but, until then, we remain in the back of the class, desperately trying to catch up with the progressives seated in front. President Obama is trying to convince conservatives that only his policies are worthy, just as we would attempt to convince a communist that only democracy leads to prosperity. In such a situation, we wouldn't assert we have a simple difference of opinion; we'd insist a communist government would cause the topic of conversation in America to turn from professional sporting results to length of bread line. Full Story>>> America as an Underdeveloped Nation By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV The liberal "solution" to all the problems of the world is to reduce the quality of life for those of us who reside in America. In other countries, liberals don't wish to see the implementation of policies that have directly led to unprecedented prosperity in the United States. Were they to achieve their goals, indoor plumbing would soon be the exception in Enid, Oklahoma. Families having the ability to serve their children three squares a day would be considered elite in Effingham, Illinois. Had liberals reached their dreams years ago, thousands more would have died from natural disasters in America and around the world. People in Haiti are alive today because liberals have failed to achieve their goal of tearing down America on a widespread scale. Thanks to the prosperity and generosity of their fellow countrypersons, folks in New Orleans, who otherwise would have almost assuredly perished, now live comfortably in homes they were able to rebuild after Katrina. Liberals criticized the Bush Administration for not doing enough to aid the victims of Katrina, yet, if those same leftists had their way, no president would have the resources to do anything other than recite a sympathetic statement. After all, in order to distribute money, the government must confiscate funds from people with the ability to generate profits. Full Story>>> Christians Killed Us on 4/19/95 By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV When people say, "Muslims" attacked us on 9/11, liberals freak out because the word, "extreme" wasn't placed in front of "Muslims." Leftists argue, "Because Timothy McVeigh was responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing, we can claim that, 'Christians killed us on 4/19/95.'" When you take a look at the terrorist attacks of the past 50-years, you'll see that their argument is bogus because the overwhelming majority of cowardly offenses were perpetrated by Muslims. If one Muslim committed one terrorist attack over a decade ago, not a sole would even bring up religion when discussing the attack. Not to mention the fact that Christians everywhere immediately condemned the Oklahoma City bombing, whereas many Muslims throughout the world took the "I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of learning how to fly an airplane for the express purpose of committing jihad against America, but can understand why they did it" attitude. It's very similar to Chris Rock suggesting it was the fault of Nicole Brown Simpson for getting murdered by OJ due to the fact that she was spending his money and allegedly having physical relations in the home he still owned. Mr. Rock said, "I'm not saying he should have killed his wife... but I understand." Christians aren't flying planes into full mosques. If a few did, the remaining wouldn't say, "We're not saying they should have used those planes as missiles� but we understand. After all, it was primarily the fault of those inside the mosque." Full Story>>> Who Wants Barack Obama Beside Them in a Bar Fight? By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV Because I am a peaceful man, I never get into physical confrontations. If I were to find myself in an unfortunate altercation, however, I can say with certainty that the last man I would want by my side is Barack Obama. Unfortunately the world is a very disturbing place. Yet many Americans are still under the impression that everyone is just as nice as they are. They also believe that if we removed from the mix any action that certain people find hostile, those with whom we're at odds would leave us alone. President Barack Obama is one of those Americans. He genuinely believes the best way for a victim to handle confrontation is to admit they're at fault and agree to change everything about their life in order to please the aggressor, no matter how moral the victim and how immoral the perpetrator. In Mr. Obama's world, you should not confront a raging pervert who makes a pass at your wife. You should instead examine your own selfish and antiquated policy that states a couple should remain monogamous after exchanging their wedding vows. And who are you to say a woman should have the right to choose her sexual partner? Full Story>>> Conservatives Represent Responsibility By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV It's difficult for us conservatives to understand why so many liberal elites despise every fiber of our being simply because we believe in small government, the power of the individual, and most importantly: liberty for all. If you were to place a conservative next to Charles Manson; a liberal elite would debate for hours if asked, "Who do you despise with greater ferocity?" Liberals claim we conservatives have an overwhelming desire to make the poor suffer by not providing them with a lifetime of entitlements. Through massive entitlements, we conservatives think you harm the poor by removing motivation that ultimately leads to prosperity and reliance on self. Yet we don't accuse you of hating the poor. And you couldn't get one sane conservative to say they were vehemently opposed to helping those in need. While government should perhaps play a small roll, we believe charity should be handled by churches and private non-profit organizations. Full Story>>> Dems in the Know are to the Extreme By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV If you know what's going on in the political word and vote Democrat, you are a far-left kook. The majority of citizens who regularly vote Democrat, however, have very little clue regarding the inner workings of the Beltway. The success of Democrats over the years can largely be attributed to their ability to keep the masses ignorant. Like we're seeing with the Tea Party movement; as average citizens become more and more informed about the issues that impact their lives, the popularity of President Obama and his fellow Democrats greatly diminishes. Political debates leave an overwhelming majority of people, typically uninterested in politics, thinking Democrats will find a way to give them money earned by other people. Many of these people are discovering that Democrats actually have a plethora of clever ways to instead take their money. In fact, ordinary citizens are learning that even in these most difficult of economic times, the only desire of the Democrats is to confiscate money from the middle class for the purpose of funding studies on why Italians have an affinity for foods ending in "o" and "a". Full Story>>> CONTACT

From King to Jester in Sixty-Two Million Seconds By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

Two short years ago a tingle would instantly shoot up the leg of 80% of people fortunate enough to witness Barack Obama enter the room in which they were standing. Even those who didn't vote for the political juggernaut recognized he'd been blessed with an immense gift. Today the leg of only 20% of folks who come in contact with our esteemed Commander in Chief feel such tingle. 2008 was a huge year for sensations darting up lower appendages. 2010, however, saw the limbs of many suffer massive withdrawal. An additional Twenty percent of current citizens who encounter Mr. Obama think, "I understand our President has implemented some controversial new laws but I'm sketchy regarding the details. Doesn't the First Lady look radiant!?" The remaining 60% laugh. The laugh of some says, "Man did that guy fool me." The laugh of others says, "I warned as many people as I possibly could." The laugh of the rest says, "During the final two years of the Bush Presidency, I paid exactly the same number of bills as I did during the first two years of the Obama Presidency. No hope and no change." Full Story>>>

You Call That a Tease!? By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

While searching for a laugh, I recently perused the onscreen guide displaying information about television programs airing now and in the future on my cable system. Because there is currently only one situation comedy worthy of my eyes, I was forced to look elsewhere. Of course I immediately turned to America's number one cable news network: MSNBC. "Only a handful of people watch MSNBC, how could they be number one?" you ask. They are at the top of their game at creating unintentional comedy. Though it's not their goal; every host, contributor and guest is laugh out loud funny. According to my onscreen guide, MSNBC personality Chris Matthews "moderates hard-hitting debates on key political issues." That same onscreen guide informed me that Fox News host Glenn Beck "provides an unconventional look at the news." I suppose my onscreen guide defines "debate" as, "with a beet red face and thinning hair askew, shouting down anyone with whom you disagree." Full Story>>>

Touching My Junk is the New Touching My Freedom By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

Former NPR employee Juan Williams admits he instinctively becomes queasy at the sight of men in Muslim garb boarding the plane on which he sits awaiting takeoff. "Will their actions lead to the demise of everyone on board?" he asks himself. Not me. I long to fly on planes where every other passenger, as well as the pilot, is a Middle Eastern man dressed in Muslim garb. I don't think of how the overwhelming majority of terrorist attacks in recent years were perpetrated by men of similar appearance. I am so politically correct that I'm adroitly able to suppress chemical reactions that often occur within the body of less enlightened people, such as former NPR employee Juan Williams. The reason it's okay for TSA agents to strip search five-year-old boys is because five-year-old boys are equally likely to blow up commercial airliners as Middle Eastern men dressed in Muslim garb. After all, five-year-old boys clearly hate us for our freedom. While they're stuck inside cleaning their room, or finishing their veggies, we're out supersizing our value meal at the local burger joint. Full Story>>>

America has Moved to the Right !? By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

I've heard more than one raging leftist claim they were fairly moderate until George W. Bush moved the country to the extreme right. The only thing middle-of-the-road George W. Bush did, by starting two unpopular wars, was make it socially acceptable to call our president names that would make a sailor blush. Despite a center-right population, the country is more liberal today than it was yesterday. Yesterday we were more liberal than the day before. Beg to differ? During World War II we threw Japanese-Americans into internment camps as if they were carpet-soiling animals. Today we fondle upstanding American citizens because we're too sensitive to ask TSA agents to peruse pictures of the men who committed 1,000 of the previous 1,001 terrorist attacks and then instruct, "When you see men of similar appearance, do whatever is necessary to make certain they're unable to harm anyone on the plane they wish to board. In fact, instead of randomly patting down passengers, we'll be randomly selecting TSA agents to accompany planes containing terrorist look-alikes government screeners were charged with searching." Full Story>>>

Blame America By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

I recently learned the best fate that could possibly befall a Palestinian man caught blogging against Islam is a lifetime behind bars. In America, television shows are allowed to make millions by depicting Christian figures as buffoons. Liberals, who are adamant no religious symbols reside near governmental institutions, are notoriously pro-Palestinian. The same people, who wet themselves at the sight of a single commandment displayed on public property, openly root for execution-happy authoritarians who murder citizens for openly opposing the religion everyone is required to follow. In order to survive in these lands, many people pretend to worship a god in whom they don't believe. Standing up for a foreign government usually indicates a desire to be ruled by likeminded leaders. Liberals praise socialist icons like Hugo Chavez while desperately hoping a similar man or woman one day controls America with an iron fist. That means liberals would love to live in a land where they're forced to follow the uber-strict rules of a specific religion, right? Full Story>>>

Professor Obama is Not Happy with Our Progress By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

On November 2, 2010 we conservatives proved once and for all that we're simply not picking up what President Obama is putting down. You see, Mr. Obama isn't of the opinion big government, massive entitlements and universal healthcare are right for America, rather it's an undeniable fact that all three are supremely moral, while every single conservative idea originated in the loins of Satan. One day all of us will have that, "I get it!" moment, but, until then, we remain in the back of the class, desperately trying to catch up with the progressives seated in front. President Obama is trying to convince conservatives that only his policies are worthy, just as we would attempt to convince a communist that only democracy leads to prosperity. In such a situation, we wouldn't assert we have a simple difference of opinion; we'd insist a communist government would cause the topic of conversation in America to turn from professional sporting results to length of bread line. Full Story>>>

America as an Underdeveloped Nation By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

The liberal "solution" to all the problems of the world is to reduce the quality of life for those of us who reside in America. In other countries, liberals don't wish to see the implementation of policies that have directly led to unprecedented prosperity in the United States. Were they to achieve their goals, indoor plumbing would soon be the exception in Enid, Oklahoma. Families having the ability to serve their children three squares a day would be considered elite in Effingham, Illinois. Had liberals reached their dreams years ago, thousands more would have died from natural disasters in America and around the world. People in Haiti are alive today because liberals have failed to achieve their goal of tearing down America on a widespread scale. Thanks to the prosperity and generosity of their fellow countrypersons, folks in New Orleans, who otherwise would have almost assuredly perished, now live comfortably in homes they were able to rebuild after Katrina. Liberals criticized the Bush Administration for not doing enough to aid the victims of Katrina, yet, if those same leftists had their way, no president would have the resources to do anything other than recite a sympathetic statement. After all, in order to distribute money, the government must confiscate funds from people with the ability to generate profits. Full Story>>>

Christians Killed Us on 4/19/95 By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

When people say, "Muslims" attacked us on 9/11, liberals freak out because the word, "extreme" wasn't placed in front of "Muslims." Leftists argue, "Because Timothy McVeigh was responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing, we can claim that, 'Christians killed us on 4/19/95.'" When you take a look at the terrorist attacks of the past 50-years, you'll see that their argument is bogus because the overwhelming majority of cowardly offenses were perpetrated by Muslims. If one Muslim committed one terrorist attack over a decade ago, not a sole would even bring up religion when discussing the attack. Not to mention the fact that Christians everywhere immediately condemned the Oklahoma City bombing, whereas many Muslims throughout the world took the "I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of learning how to fly an airplane for the express purpose of committing jihad against America, but can understand why they did it" attitude. It's very similar to Chris Rock suggesting it was the fault of Nicole Brown Simpson for getting murdered by OJ due to the fact that she was spending his money and allegedly having physical relations in the home he still owned. Mr. Rock said, "I'm not saying he should have killed his wife... but I understand." Christians aren't flying planes into full mosques. If a few did, the remaining wouldn't say, "We're not saying they should have used those planes as missiles� but we understand. After all, it was primarily the fault of those inside the mosque." Full Story>>>

Who Wants Barack Obama Beside Them in a Bar Fight? By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

Because I am a peaceful man, I never get into physical confrontations. If I were to find myself in an unfortunate altercation, however, I can say with certainty that the last man I would want by my side is Barack Obama. Unfortunately the world is a very disturbing place. Yet many Americans are still under the impression that everyone is just as nice as they are. They also believe that if we removed from the mix any action that certain people find hostile, those with whom we're at odds would leave us alone. President Barack Obama is one of those Americans. He genuinely believes the best way for a victim to handle confrontation is to admit they're at fault and agree to change everything about their life in order to please the aggressor, no matter how moral the victim and how immoral the perpetrator. In Mr. Obama's world, you should not confront a raging pervert who makes a pass at your wife. You should instead examine your own selfish and antiquated policy that states a couple should remain monogamous after exchanging their wedding vows. And who are you to say a woman should have the right to choose her sexual partner? Full Story>>>

Conservatives Represent Responsibility By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

It's difficult for us conservatives to understand why so many liberal elites despise every fiber of our being simply because we believe in small government, the power of the individual, and most importantly: liberty for all. If you were to place a conservative next to Charles Manson; a liberal elite would debate for hours if asked, "Who do you despise with greater ferocity?" Liberals claim we conservatives have an overwhelming desire to make the poor suffer by not providing them with a lifetime of entitlements. Through massive entitlements, we conservatives think you harm the poor by removing motivation that ultimately leads to prosperity and reliance on self. Yet we don't accuse you of hating the poor. And you couldn't get one sane conservative to say they were vehemently opposed to helping those in need. While government should perhaps play a small roll, we believe charity should be handled by churches and private non-profit organizations. Full Story>>>

Dems in the Know are to the Extreme By Raymond Winthorpe Coleman IV

If you know what's going on in the political word and vote Democrat, you are a far-left kook. The majority of citizens who regularly vote Democrat, however, have very little clue regarding the inner workings of the Beltway. The success of Democrats over the years can largely be attributed to their ability to keep the masses ignorant. Like we're seeing with the Tea Party movement; as average citizens become more and more informed about the issues that impact their lives, the popularity of President Obama and his fellow Democrats greatly diminishes. Political debates leave an overwhelming majority of people, typically uninterested in politics, thinking Democrats will find a way to give them money earned by other people. Many of these people are discovering that Democrats actually have a plethora of clever ways to instead take their money. In fact, ordinary citizens are learning that even in these most difficult of economic times, the only desire of the Democrats is to confiscate money from the middle class for the purpose of funding studies on why Italians have an affinity for foods ending in "o" and "a". Full Story>>>

CONTACT